11 JUNE 1996 DURBAN. S.A.

Kære Sure

Im still on my mission of seeking forgiveness. I don't know for what, or whom I shall seek it from. Maybe it is not forgiveness, but love I seek, and on my mission I am getting more and more bruised, like a mango, Im afraid that I shall just rot like a fruit forgotten on the shelf. You see I am too passive, sometimes I don't make anything happen, and I as a person yearn for happenings. But being in a strange country, I am at times afraid.

I must say that I really miss you and Stumps company. It was somehow easier when we where a
group. We were never on our own. There was always someone who knew our background, humor, way of thinking. Of course Ive got mummy and daddy, but they are my parents, and there were many things that I only would share with you and Stump. But I think you where my closest confidance, for you I have known through out my life.

I have been watching some skiing programs, that really fascinated me, so I thought about learning to ski, you could teach me.

Today I have been listening to Led Zeppelin, started a poem, made a onion cheese quiche, talked on the phone. Mark called, Arvin called, and I called Miguell. Mark and I talked about Zack, Then discussed music. He sounds like Zack, they have got the same rhythm of speech, and that same madmans laugh. On the phone I could be deceived to think that they where brothers.
Miguell and I discussed theater, architecture, the new galleries opened, starsigns, tarrot cards, marriage/ personal life, generation X, and the new South Africa.

Arvin told me about his new job, at the post office, and he just passed his exams. He was quite drunk at the time, so he was babbling on about allot of things, I just tried to keep up. I really like him. He is the kind of person I feel I really can trust no matter what.
Ive been trying to sort out my thoughts by writing them down on paper.

Mark and I where supposed to go to a poets society at the theater, but we didn't make the transport, so we will be going to the Rift tomorrow instead. We will be meeting Miguell at a place called Banana Joe's before rifting. Its a really sleazy joint, but the drinks are 1 rand. Saturday night I went out with Mark. We started of at about 9 and finished 7 in the morning. I think we danced for about 10 min. and the rest of the night we spent talking. the next day I thought I would be doing one of your "Bixen" tricks, but I survived. We where drinking some Red Sambuka, which stained my hands so badly it only went of today.

Lovers? No, I haven't had any, no sex for 6 months, not even a good old fashioned vibrator.
Good men are hard to find, not that I have been on the look. Well if some beautiful man like Keanu came by how could I refuse. But he hasn't.

I went to a big reggae concert 2 weeks ago. Peter Toshes son played there. It was wonderful, apart from the bad company, the guy I was with couldn't handle the erb, so he got really sick. After tacking care of him, for a few hours I locked him in the care took the car keys and went of by my self, met a lott of people, strangers, but was too tense to really enjoy the scene.

Daddy is in Joberg, on business, and mummy is at a meeting at her school. She still gets very tense when she is premenstrual. None of us can handle it. Yesterday daddy phoned and they had a argument, After she slammed the phone down, and cooled down a bit, I asked what it was all about, and she shouted: oh fuck you Simmi.
A simple " I-don't-feel-like-talking" would have been fine.
Well, luckily I had to go and study with a friend from my course, so it didn't turn into a major fight.
So we covered allot of our work, while we drank champagne and orange juice.
I usually get on with mummy, but she still has this obsession with cleaning, and that does cause fraction.
Neville is down, he arrived Saturday, and came over Saturday night, but I only just said hi, since I had plans with Mark. Neville will be coming with us to Port Shepstone this weekend, Im looking forward to it. I like him. He reminds me of these laid back friends daddy and mummy used to have in DK.

So how is your life going? Mummy and I often talk about you. She says she was extremely jealous when she and daddy first started, so you properly have it from her. How's Stump and Roberto? I will be writing a letter to Stump as soon as i have received the cards.
Did you receive my last card?

You remember that fatal night of mine, where I called you, The Fayde incident. Well if it had not been for you 2, especially you, I wouldnt have pulled through. My mind shortcircuits once in a while. So, how is the flat and living together?
Do you know that I have to restrain my self from writting to you, I often have these long conversations in my head, with you. But I cant help but feeling hurt about only recieving 1 letter in 6 months, and a letter that hardly says anything. I miss you, sister!

Hows the catz? Muni here is fine. She fights with the other catz, and comes home all bruised, then we tend to her wounds, one day her front paws where so badly hurt that we had to bandage them, she licked the bandage so hard it came of. But she is better. She had a girlfriend out there, and is always fucking horny. But shes cooling down.
Hows all the other friends of ours? Has Shant returned?

All in all Im feeling better, the course has given me some kinda purpose w. life, and I feel I can comunicate with the people I see now. Im writting exams on the 14 of july. I hate exams.
Any way, Mum is back, so I'll go chat to her.


LOVE