BREAK DOWN THE WALL

Do you know what I mean, when I feel that life has lost its luster? Persecuted by the grand colonial scheme …nothing inspires or excites. When one feels both misplaced and lost, trapped in a wilderness of fools? I have come so close to giving in, giving up, when one’s spirit and bones grow weak and tired of resisting, so tired that I have been numb, anesthetized enough to be swept away by the force of this tidal wave, which serves none other but the same ugly stone hearts of the empire

Are you familiar with this song by Pink Floyd

Comfortably Numb

Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone at home?
Come on, now,
I hear you're feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain
Get you on your feet again.
Relax.
I'll need some information first.
Just the basic facts.
Can you show me where it hurts?
There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.
When I was a child I had a fever
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I've got that feeling once again
I can't explain you would not understand
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

O.K.
Just a little pinprick.
There'll be no more aaaaaaaaah!
But you may feel a little sick.
Can you stand up?
I do believe it's woring, good.
That'll keep you going through the show
Come on it's time to go.
There is no pain you are receding
A distant ship, smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.
When I was a childI caught a fleeting glimpse
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone
I cannot put my finger on it now
The child is grown,
The dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.
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I could write about all the sweet things I have been doing with my son and paint an idyllic picture of sacred fucking self-sacrificing motherhood and don’t get me wrong I love being Akira’s mother, but I want to do it my way, not live up to some perverted Mother Mary ideal. God, I hate Christianity (excuse the pun) and every other fucking self-righteous religion…but at least Kali is cool. She seems to embody all the fantastic, the ugly, the good and the bad….the orgasmic fucking wonder of life and death.
…all there between her thighs. Kali’s power or the nuances of her femininity is at least acknowledged. She doesn’t have to sit there with her legs crossed and pretend that her cunt is a ‘void’ and fuck ghost to be impregnated, smiling sweetly all along. For there after to be immortalized on canvas, and crappy kitsch velour wall-hangings, breast feeding her child. Breast feeding…another romanticized and sterilized iconic image.
Im sure you know the nipple has a direct line to the clit, so when any one sucks those pretty sanctified nipples it tugs strait at the clit (it also contracts the womb when breast feeding), and no, it didn’t turn me on, it was more of a sensual/bonding with my baby. For the record, I breastfed for two years, because I wanted to give him the best start possible. To all the Mothers who choose not to or can’t, I have the utmost respect. With no support system (extended family, economic support, domestic help, emotional support, free medical care etc), it is no wonder that women go through post-natal depression.

Imagine that during the Second World War, when the boys where killing each other, the American government realized that there was dire need for the women to get out of their kitchens and into the workforce. Or the American economy would crash. With immediate effect transportation was sent to their doorsteps, domestic services and government care centers for kids were up and running and on top of all that they could pick up a hot home cooked meal when they fetched their kids!

Today, most families rely on a two income salary, so there’s no time to breastfeed anyway. With the pressures of keeping the house (and your self) from smelling like sour vomit and baby crap, sleepless nights, getting back into shape, being a sex Goddess, a magician in the kitchen, for breakfast, lunch and supper, picking up and dropping of…and last but not least mourning the girl you once were, looking for her amongst all the scars and wobbly bits, wondering if there is any possible way that you could squeeze an intelligent thought out… since basic survival and sanity is already hanging from a thin thread.

Although I do believe that breast is the healthiest nutrition and psychologically important between mother and child, I also believe that it is of more importance that the mother stays alive and sane enough to care for her kids.

What I am bitching about is the connotations attached to motherhood: the uniform; frumpy floral frocks (which is bad enough), the a-sexuality, the imposed guilt if one dares to have just the tiniest bit of ones self left…all the ‘expert’ books on how to raise your children the RIGHT way, incase we produce a child who might actually think for its self. I don’t believe in corporal punishment (though I have been guilty of it), but the last big ‘NO NO’ is how shouting will damage your child for life. Of course we are not speaking of abuse and excessive verbal carnage done to the child, what I am saying is that I loose my temper when I have spoken and explained and turned it inside out and upside down
And the child’s behavior is harmful to himself or others and I am at my wits end. Then I will shout, I roar, I scream (my sis says I sound demonic). Most often he understands that he must stop…anyway, the point I am making is that shouting is a danger warning. After explicitly explaining and saying NO! The SHOUTING translates to ‘back off, you are violating my rights!’
In regards to society I hope that he will be able to make enough noise when his rights are violated and understand the power of being voiceciferous. So, all this bullshit about ruining your children’s life by a little shouting is really about creating little meek weak individuals who will find it unnatural to speak out against the system, who will turn their resentment and anger inward and become broken down cripples who will do as Big Brother tells them.
Hell No! My boy will learn to love life in all its complexity, and understand the bravery of being fearless enough to love and get hurt, and love again. To question, to disagree, to agree to disagree, to fight and forgive and make mistakes, to be afraid, to ask for help, to learn to say no, to see through hypocritical values and empty promises. Such as the glory of Death, Destruction and War. Let the old men fight their own wars, and leave our children alone. Values and the education system is all part and parcel of indoctrinating our kids into becoming mindless zombies serving the fat capitalist pigs. Training girls to become empty vessels, to serve their husband and children and the boys to become emotionally stunted killing machines. If you think I am over reacting, tell me why do all boy toys simulate war, from weapons to army prints on baby socks (which is just sick and perverted) and killer Lego robots, with girly toys simulating ‘wife’ (kitchen utensils, playing house), mother (dolls, cute cuddly toys and ‘baby’ thingies which die when neglected) and last but not least the highly sexualized femme fatale ‘Barbie’ along with all the other thrills such as plastic high heels, clip on ear rings, fake cutex and that horrid salmon pink/orange lipstick. Girls are encouraged to be passive, to be quite, to please and pleasure everyone else but her-self. Both are literally PRODUCT’S of society….just another brick in the wall

Another Brick in the Wall (Part 1)

Daddy's flown across the ocean
Leaving just a memory
Snapshot in the family album
Daddy what else did you leave for me?
Daddy, what'd'ja leave behind for me?!?
All in all it was just a brick in the wall.
All in all it was all just bricks in the wall.
"You! Yes, you! Stand still laddy!"

Another Brick in the Wall Part 2 (Waters) 3:56

We don't need no education
We dont need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone!
All in all it's just another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.

We don't need no education
We don’t need no thought control
No dark sarcasm in the classroom
Teachers leave them kids alone
Hey! Teachers! Leave them kids alone!
All in all it's just another brick in the wall.
All in all you're just another brick in the wall.

"Wrong, Do it again!""If you don't eat yer meat, you can't have any pudding. How can you
have any pudding if you don't eat yer meat?"
"You! Yes, you behind the bikesheds, stand still laddy!"

Another Brick in the Wall (Part 3)

[Sound of many TV's coming on, all on different channels]
"The Bulls are already out there"
Pink: "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrgh!"
"This Roman Meal bakery thought you'd like to know.

"I don't need no arms around me
And I don’t need no drugs to calm me.
I have seen the writing on the wall.
Don't think I need anything at all.
No! Don't think I'll need anything at all.
All in all it was all just bricks in the wall.
All in all you were all just bricks in the wall.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Having a child I have no choice but to resist, regardless of existing on the periphery like a pariah-wolf, rather that than being on a ship of fools.